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I love writing. Even if many times I don’t feel I’m very good at it and even more times feel like I shouldn’t be even in the periphery of professionals, I enjoy it all the same. A sort of tortured artist, except without really knowing torture.

That said, you’d be forgiven for thinking I don’t like writing considering how infrequently I post here. So, yes, I’m re-entering Blaugust in its rebirth as a personal challenge to know if I really want to be a content creator. But what does that mean, honestly?

blaugustrebornlogo2018

And how much of my desire to do this to myself was born from enjoying this very colorful logo?

A lot of the time the term “content creator” carries this nebulous idea of a white dude in his early 20s recording YouTube videos that open with “Yoooo what’s goin’ on guys” or some other tropey sort of thing like that, but when I use the term I refer to anyone who wants to create some form of creative content for others to look at, be it videos or livestreams or writing.

So with that definition out of the way, I felt it prudent to consider how much of a content creation type of person I really am. Through the crucible of Blaugust Reborn I hope to reaffirm that I’m capable of doing this on a regular basis even after the month is out, but the thing I find myself having trouble with is where my focus should be.

I have done a number of livestreams on my own Twitch channel and found doing so this oddball mixture of entertaining and hellishly exhausting. It’s like I’m gleefully welcoming people into my house to play games and shoot the shit, but at the same time my under-the-table radio broadcasting brain seems to think that I also have to be “a personality”. A mindset, I’ll add, that isn’t helped by the fact that a great many other streamers do appear to be “personalities” that are, with a bare few exceptions like VanderForge and others, generally trash people.

vander art

Seriously, this dude is the standard for Twitch personalities (artwork by seto)

But is that really a failing of the definition or a failure of me to figure out what sort of creation I want to make in that space? Ultimately, the failing falls upon my shoulders in that regard as I find it more and more difficult to balance wanting to become an identifiable creator of video content and not wanting to feel compelled to act like a human cartoon.

So, Twitch and YouTube are pretty much out. Right? But what about doing something other than video gaming? I’m very heavily into D&D things right now, especially on the Dungeon Master side of things, and I’d love to integrate that some way into livestreaming. But then, of course, there runs the risk of trying to be a copycat like more popular shows like Critical Role or High Rollers.

But then, isn’t every other Twitch streamer a copycat, too? At the brass tacks level? Or does any of that even matter? Why am I asking so many questions about this? Or in general?

strawberry pie

Why does strawberry rhubarb pie taste so damn good?

So, what does this have to do with Blaugust? I’ve got too many conflicted feelings about being a video content creator that I think that’s swiftly becoming a non-starter for me. So all I’m left with if I want to be a “serious” content creator is writing. Thus, I’ve fired up the blog once again to create regular daily posts.

Sure, maybe I could continue to improve streaming or even make fun videos if I really applied myself, but writing seems to be the only content creation avenue that I have where I could grow. And not necessarily in readership (although that would certainly be nice), but in ability. I really feel like I could just chip through a wall if I apply myself.

It’s a lot like that scene in the recent Doctor Who series where the 13th Doctor eventually punched his way out of a timeless prison over the course of countless ages. It’s certainly not the most elegant solution or perhaps not even the smartest, but I really do feel like my writing ability could break through. I just gotta keep punching this damn wall.

DoctorWhoHeavenSent

I just hope I don’t have to keep being killed and coming back to life in order to do it.

The answer of being a content creator, at least near as I can figure, is that nobody really has an answer. We just have to try different things, different mediums, different ideas and experiments. Push all of the envelopes until there’s something that feels as natural as doing any other machining or factory job where product is cranked out at a regular pace.

That’s why I’ve arrived at the assembly line of Blaugust. Because I want to build my own factory, and I really think that this medium I’ve got left to me is the best way to do it.

So, with all of that said, I hope you’ll all join me over the next 31 days. And I hope you’ll let me know if I’m doing this right.

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